Three Legitimate Fears

30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me #2:

Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

This list may end up seeming silly because I'm truly just not afraid of much. The first two are things that give me the heebie jeebies, but I know I don't really have to worry much about either one.

#1: Getting a tooth/teeth knocked out. Being a third baseman in softball ages 12-18 made this one very real to me. All it would have taken was a line drive at the precise height, and I would look like a character from Joe Dirt. One of a handful of reoccurring dreams I have is that I'm going about my business (anything from hanging out with the Gang from whatever show I'm watching at the time, to flying over my home in Paris) when all of a sudden my teeth will start cracking. It's never a full tooth that falls out, but pieces of teeth. They're usually molars, which makes me feel better in the dream, but there's always a foreboding sense that my condition will eventually move to the front teeth, and people will know. I read somewhere in college that teeth falling out is a common dream. It means you're insecure.

#2: Floating aimlessly in cold, deep ocean water. Especially if icebergs are involved. Speaking of icebergs, this picture freaks me OUT:

Watching the movie The Abyss in my 7th grade science class traumatized me as we watched a diver fall helplessly into an ocean trench. The darkness, the cold, the unknown creatures in that cold darkness. Terrifying. What's ironic is that I've had opportunities to swim in deep, middle-of-the-ocean locations, and I've done it. It's one of those things that I'm afraid of, but not enough to pass up a once-in-a-lifetime chance (swimming with poisonous snakes in the South Pacific off the islands of Tonga). I think I'm fairly in control of this fear... as long as I don't make a misstep off an Alaskan cruise ship.

#3: Losing someone I love. This is a fear I simply didn't think about very much until I had my daughters. I knew people who had lost parents, friends, and siblings, and I myself lost an uncle when I was 12. But the thought of living life without someone I love incredibly deeply didn't really sink in until my maternal instinct was activated seconds after giving birth to Kealani. (I am blessed to have lived almost 31 years without losing an immediate family member or close friend.) I pray differently, say "I love you" more, and am anxious about things I never used to be. This applies to all my loved ones, especially my girls. But it took having them to open my eyes to the reality that life is fragile, and we don't know when we will see anyone for the last time. As a mom, if I let myself sit around and think of everything that could possibly happen to my daughters, it would be crippling. I refuse to live in fear, but I do believe it's important to treat people kindly and with abounding love (especially my loved ones) simply because I want each interaction with those I care about most to be one that would be remembered  fondly.