Passions

30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me #8:

What are 5 passions you have?

In a way, some of these prompts overlap each other. Things that make me happy may be passions. My dream job may be a passion. What I spend my time and love on are obviously passions.

So I may describe some of these briefly since I've written about them previously.

#1: My marriage. Being a wife that my husband wants to come home to and spend his time with is something I'm willing to work hard to do. One of my priorities in life is to protect my marriage. There are many reason for this. To make living together bearable -- preferably fun. To do my part to contribute to the circle of love and respect that marriage requires. To know that I am always trying to do what I can to make our relationship strong, which in turn makes it less and less likely that it will break. To be an example to our girls what marriage should look like. I want them in no uncertain terms to know what is an unacceptable way to be treated, and how to treat their partner in an acceptable way. To prove that being married is fun, not a joke on a sitcom that is to be mocked or bitterly complained about at every opportunity. Most importantly, when I decided to marry Jon, I made a promise, and I won't break it. Jon is a passion of mine, so my relationship is a passion.

#2: Raising Kealani and Leila. I pour myself into my girls every single day. I fail miserably sometimes, but I am trying to be an example of love and forgiveness while attempting to teach them to become respectful and productive members of society (not entitled imps) every waking moment. I do my best to show them the grace of God through my own actions. I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained at the end of most days, yet I wake up excited to do it again each morning. If that doesn't constitute a passion, I don't know what does.

#3: Children and young people. Aside from my own daughters, I love other people's kids. From teaching preschool/elementary/middle/high school, tutoring, counseling high school girls through my church -- I get attached to kids. I want to see them become better people, learn from their mistakes, gain knowledge, and in some cases even become their friends. I can't help it, I just love them.

#4: My relationship with God. I don't pursue Him like I should all the time, but I've experienced enough highs, lows, and big decisions in my life to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He exists. That while He allows me to make my own decisions, He cares what those decisions are, and He's with me every step of the way. I couldn't be a mother without trusting Him with my daughters' lives. There's not enough room in one blog to list all the ways I've seen Him work in my own, and others' lives, so I won't try. But extending His love to others and hoping that they also see Him at work in their lives is a passion.

#5: Writing. I was always the student who loved the literature/history side of academics as opposed to math/science. I devour books and enjoy writing. I started this blog about two years ago because I felt that there was an untapped passion in my life that wasn't getting utilized. I felt unfulfilled, and it took me a while to figure out why. I don't need people to read what I write. I enjoy hearing what people think, especially if they are entertained, and I truly hope my girls take interest in what I have to say when they are older. But if no one ever read my writing, if my girls never care, I would still enjoy it. It's a creative outlet for me, and it makes me happy.

Mirror

Three years ago I started a blog, intending to chronicle the exciting life I was about to embark on. I had just been hired to teach at an international school in Ecuador, and figured the process, and eventually the move and job itself, would provide experiences worthy of writing about. I’ll save the story for another time, but due to a major life event, my husband Jon and I ended up staying right here in San Luis Obispo County, CA. I occasionally made pathetic attempts at blogging about my “boring” life, but I always felt a little bit let down by the loss of an opportunity to write.

Recently I started thinking about a class I took while attending Westmont College. It was Advanced Composition: a requirement for my Liberal Studies degree that would lead to obtaining a teaching credential. It ended up being my all time favorite class. We wrote in journals. We wrote vignettes. We read each others’ stories and discussed. We ultimately ended up writing about glimpses from our lives — sort of super-abridged autobiographies. I don’t know if it was my own ego, the desire to be heard, or simply the fact that I love to write, and “me” was the subject I knew best… but I found that writing stories about my life and experiences was one of my favorite things to do.

I love to read and write. There’s something therapeutic about cozying up with a great book and losing myself in a well told story. There’s also something therapeutic about writing about life. It’s like looking into a mirror; noticing in that moment what’s already there, observing features that have been formed over time, or seeing the potential for what could be. It can be painful seeing yourself for who you really are. It can also be encouraging when you realize how far you’ve come. I love reading old journals. Sometimes I laugh out loud at how ridiculous I sound, sometimes I want to cry as I am pulled back through the heartbreak I was feeling at a time when the only thing I knew might help was to write about it.

The title of this blog was inspired by a song. Here are some of the lyrics:

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, have I got it?
‘Cause Mirror you’ve always told me who I am
I’m finding it’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won’t define me, sorry you don’t own me

Who are you to tell me that I’m less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don’t need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won’t try, no, I won’t try”

There’s more to it, but I’ll save that for later.

So here goes my new attempt. Writing about life. Looking into the mirror, remembering things and learning more about that person in the silver glass.