I think some of these things are straight up gross, so they are rude to discuss over a meal; some pass so quickly that experienced young moms forget to share them with their friends before it's their turn to experience them (leaving the newbies to wonder "WTF? A head's up would have been nice."); and some might just be so embarrassing that no mom would ever share them. Ever. Not even to save a close family member or friend's own embarrassment/feelings of utter inadequacy. No matter who your friends are or what books and websites you read, your experience will not be like any other mother's. But here I intend to list some of the things that caught me a little off guard.
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1. Being pregnant is not fun.
There are women out there who claim that they enjoy being pregnant so much that they wouldn't mind being with child all the time. I've even heard someone say they'd rather be pregnant than have the actual kid. (Wow.) I say more power to you, girls. But for me personally: constantly feeling like I'm going to retch all my internal organs out with no relief for weeks on end; getting punched and kicked from the inside; being in pain, exhausted, and uncomfortable all the time (especially at the end); feeling like my privates have had a car battery dropped on them when I move too suddenly; and handing over my body, independence, and physical activity to a few-pounds ball of human I'm trying to grow... just isn't my idea of a good time.
I hate to sound like a complainer. The end result of being pregnant is so mind-blowingly worth any and all of the things I've listed. Both of my pregnancies have been normal, uneventful, and as comfortable as can be (which makes me shudder to think about the poor women who have complications or are put on bedrest). But even as "easy" as pregnancy is for me, I don't like it. I'm selfish and I want my body back. Now.
2. You don't get your body back after Baby is born.
This one is pretty common sense, but I think the first time around I was so relieved that I wasn't pregnant anymore, I didn't quite understand that my body wasn't all of a sudden going to be "mine" again. Feeding a newborn around the clock prevents that pretty effectively. Feeling like you've been run over by a truck, wearing a pad the size of a decorative pillow because you'll be bleeding for about six weeks, treating your hemorrhoids, and running on a fraction of your desired sleep makes it hard to pamper yourself and "get back into shape" right away. (And I haven't even done it with an extra toddler running around yet. This will be fun.)
3. Part of labor is feeling like you are pooping yourself.
My doctor was ready to give me a c-section after I remained dilated at 7 cm for too long without progressing. While the nurses were dealing with my finished paperwork and getting ready to wheel me into another room for surgery, I suddenly had to ask Jon one question, "Am I pooping? Right now? It feels like I am pooping." After checking (what a great guy) and letting a nurse know, we learned that my body was telling me that Kealani was coming and it was time to push. This time I'll know it's almost over when I feel like I'm involuntarily taking a dump on the table.
4. You will instantly feel sorry for all the BS you put your mom through. I mean it, like instantly after childbirth.
The way you feel about your kid after she's born is indescribable, so I won't try. What I never realized is that I'd all at once feel dangerously protective of my baby while also feeling guilty about making my mom worry about me as much as I must have. Moms worry. I won't stop worrying now until I'm dead. That feeling is something that can't be explained, but I appreciated my mom (and dad) on a new level, and will most definitely continue to as my girls pass through each stage of life. (God help me through the teenage years.)
5. If breastfeeding was used as a form of torture to obtain information, all governments would know everything they need to know. At all times.
I'd read up on breastfeeding, had friends and my own mom who had experienced it, and always planned to attempt it. I was still rather unprepared for the pain. I think it goes under the category of passing so quickly that no one remembers to relay the tidbit "breastfeeding sucks so bad there will be times you wish you were dead" to their friends. It makes complete and total sense. Take a body part that is uber sensitive, latch a living thing onto it, and let it suck as hard as it can for hours on end. This will cause said body part high levels of pain.
Most reading materials and other moms told me this pain should only last a week or two. For me it lasted eight full weeks. There were times the sound of my daughter stirring, meaning she would be ready for a meal within minutes, made me cry. I truly thought I was mommy-handicapped because if it still hurt, I must be doing it wrong, right?? No, I was doing it right. So was my daughter.
Praise the Lord the pain eventually completely subsided. Like, I could pop her little face onto my boob, carry on a conversation, and/or build a model airplane while she nourished herself, and I hardly remembered she was there. Just a little encouragement for anyone who goes through this in the future: if you really want to breastfeed, and keep breastfeeding, the pain will go away. As long as there are no medical conditions, problems with milk production, or issues with your baby's latching/suckling reflexes, you're good to go.
If you want to prepare yourself ahead of time, follow these simple steps: Rub down your nipples with a square of extra course grit sandpaper, as hard as you can. Take a razor blade and add some cuts here and there, making sure there's plenty of bleeding. Apply rubbing alcohol with a shot of Listerine. Next, try to find a bra, t-shirt, or any other piece of apparel that you can wear without causing friction between said article of clothing and nipples. Do NOT sleep on your stomach. Repeat 6 - 12 times per day. Good luck.
6. Moms can be super judgmental of each other.
Hey, we're women. We judge, gossip, and hate on others for no apparent reason. It's not something to be proud of. But with my first kid I realized how much competition there is between new moms and moms with similar aged kids. Even the ones with kids in the next stage make comments like, "Oh, you think it's hard now, wait until...", and I've heard "well, you're lucky you have a girl..." more times than I have fingers.
Here's the deal. Being a mom is hard. The career of raising a human being does not receive pay, vacations, or breaks. You are ingrained with the "mother instinct" immediately after giving birth. It doesn't matter what your kid's temperament, stage, energy level, age, or gender is. Young moms are all doing it for the first time, and it's hard. There's no right way, and every child, parent, and family are different. There's no need to compete. If we're doing our best and our kids grow into somewhat productive members of society with good values and a sense of responsibility, we all "win".
7. Your kid will probably fall on its head. More than once. Whether you tell other people is entirely up to you.
As if being a new parent isn't hard enough... there are accidents. Plenty of them. Feeling inadequate rises to a new degree when you turn your back for 1/16 of a second and your kid falls on her head. God made babies' bodies very bendable and they heal lightening fast. This is because He also made moms, and knew how out of it we would be sometimes.
8. When you're pregnant the second time (and I imagine every time after that), you pee yourself.
Often.
When those muscles have been stretched by childbirth once already, and now there's a new baby resting right on top of them, they don't work very well. I pee when I laugh, sneeze, cough, and exist. After I finish peeing on the toilet, no matter how long I sit there to make sure I am fully drained, within one minute of standing up, a few more drops WILL come out. I lean forward, backward, wiggle a little, but it never fails. I take the necessary precautions, but that doesn't mean it's not gross.
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I'm sure there are many more things that would be nice for future moms to know (I may add them as I think of them)... and really society. There are plenty of "complainers" out there who make the symptoms of pregnancy/motherhood more obvious to outsiders, but they don't represent all of us.
The only times I get peeved are when there's a "what does she do all day" attitude toward my job, or someone makes me feel like I'm lazy for not wanting to move much in this stage of pregnancy. But all I have to do is take a look at my gorgeous little girl and none of that matters. All I do is for her, and her little sister to come, and they deserve it. I love being a mom.
